Why control matters to you...

Control – does it matter? Why do so many people seek it?
 
Humans have a unique ability that the rest of the animal kingdom doesn’t have to contend with: we can contemplate the future. This is an amazing skill which helps us to plan, invent, celebrate, and bring our goals to life. It also helps us weigh the consequences of our choices. For example, if we are planning on going out and having a few drinks with friends, we can anticipate that we will need to organise transport home.
 
This ability to contemplate the future also comes with a dark side. It feeds our biological wiring for anxiety. For some, that anxiety becomes incredibly out of control and dominates daily living. Our minds can fill with dread at all the terrible things that ‘could’ or ‘might’ happen. We can expend huge amounts of energy in the future, and miss what is happening in the present. One way to soothe this anxiety is to try and control our environment, to put everything we can possibly think of in place to mitigate the many disasters we have constructed in our mind. But this can become pretty exhausting, and given the randomness of the world, it means we are outsourcing our peace of mind to chance.

So, what to do?
​
Firstly, understand what is happening. This ability of your brain serves both to protect you and to enhance your life. So understand it. Be thankful for it. But don’t let it be in charge. You can access this part of yourself when you need it, but nobody really needs and anxious controlling person over their shoulder all day. That’s exhausting.
 
Secondly, find ways to soothe your body. Being in an anxious state sets of all sorts of physiological reactions in your autonomic nervous system, including appetite changes, increased heart rate, and increased perspiration. Mindfulness meditation is a known antidote to these issues, and helps to soothe and calm your agitated state.
 
Thirdly, come to peace with the chaos of the world. If you have done good, solid work on yourself, the chances are you will feel more confident about your ability to handle what the world might throw at you. Be prepared, but not in an anxious, controlling way – be prepared in a grounded, stable way. The kind of stability that leaves you knowing whatever life throws at you, you will be ok. Work on what goes on inside of you, instead of what goes on outside of you. Don’t outsource your peace of mind.
 
Lastly, know your limits. If you have battled anxiety for a long time, you might need to seek professional help. You might need to see your GP. There could be any number of interventions and support that can help. Eliminate any shame you might have around seeking support… after all, if you wanted to run a marathon, you wouldn’t hesitate to get a personal trainer or a marathon specialist to help you. And life is a marathon, so don’t do it alone. 

Photo by Cassie Matias on Unsplash